The COG Blog

This article is not about how to trap a man and get him to be yours forever and ever but the ways women often trap men into falling flat on their faces. Quite often women set men up for failure, and then get upset when they (the women) feel hurt, slighted, or unloved. Every woman has the right to feel unloved if the person she is involved with is not showing loving behavior towards her. The problem is, some women attach feeling “unloved” to every little thing.

Now if your boyfriend or husband knows it is your birthday and doesn’t wish you a happy birthday, get you anything, or acknowledge it in any way shape or form, sure, you can feel upset and hurt and rightfully so. BUT, if you told your man not to do anything for your birthday and did not WANT it acknowledged in any way shape or form WHY are you now upset because he didn’t?  Sorry, that one is on you. You set him up to hurt you.

Why play games like that where everyone loses? If the man in your life responds to your telephone messages and emails right away, but hates texting and does not respond to texts, WHY ARE YOU INSISTING ON TEXTING HIM? So you can get mad at him? Why force the text issue where there are other ways of communicating? And if that isn’t bad enough, some women have men that are basically good, show loving behavior towards them, treat them well, but the ONE time he doesn’t do what she wants he MUST not love her. Really? Grow up.

People will not always do everything perfect, and you won’t either. Sometimes you have to look at the big picture, not every little thing all by itself. So he screwed up one time. Let it slide unless of course it is a BIG screw-up. If you were the perfect employee and had ONE bad day, would you want your future with the company, your reputation, your bonus, and your pay to be judged on that ONE day? Hell no. You would insist that all your hard work over the years count for something. Well, it is the same in relationships too.

If you ask him stupid questions like “What don’t you like about me?” then you are obviously looking for a fight if you can’t hear the answer and suck it up like an adult. Don’t ask for the truth unless you are ready to hear it and behave like an adult.

If every person could read everyone else’s mind there would BE no relationships. Think about some of the thoughts and feelings that go through your head on a daily basis. What if the people in your life heard them all? Would they hate you right now? Would they even be speaking to you right now? Would you even have a job if your boss heard every thought in your head? Probably NOT.

So, why snoop and read emails he sends to other people? What are you really looking for? If your relationship sucks that bad that you need to find out if he is cheating, checking into things is not so bad. But do you have to read the email he sends his mother or best friend?

The bottom line is that relationships are hard enough, and if you have a good one, be glad you do, and don’t look for ways to cause trouble or ways to sabotage it.

To the masses, Valentine’s Day evokes thoughts of chocolate, flowers, romance, cards, and cherubic angels shooting us with arrows. I also understand there are special diamonds, jewelry, lingerie and secret indulgences you can buy your ‘valentine’….but when did all the madness, attributed to this day, begin? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I started seeing Valentine’s Day displays in the stores the day after they cleaned out most of the Christmas crap, thinking to myself “Hey don’t throw that Christmas stuff out, we could use it for Valentine’s Day, after all it is red and white..!” Come to think of it… St. Valentine does look an awful lot like St. Nicholas, but I digress.

Sadly today’s society views Valentine’s Day as more of an obligation ~ forced upon the masses as a whole, telling us we better recognize our ’sweetheart’ with flowers and fluff or they will resent us for the rest of the year. I just saw something on MSN today ‘10 Days Left to make sure you are not in the Dog House’…or something to that effect. I mean, seriously folks, come one, when did it turn to this? I am not quite sure how it became such an obligation… or expectation …. but personally I blame it on Hallmark.

Valentine’s Day originated from pagan customs of Ancient Rome in 300-400 B.C, where on February 14^th and 15^th the Romans celebrated Lupercalia. During this festival they practiced the ritual of the sacred sexual union, the Heiros Gamos, on February 14^th, to honor Juno Fructifier, Queen of the Roman gods and goddesses as well as goddess of marriage.

As part of this celebration, maiden’s names in were placed in boxes, I am sure without the pink and red doilies. These “love notes” were called “billets.” A young man would draw a name and the maiden was his sex partner for the coming year commencing in March until the next February celebration. The matches were primarily for the sexual union of the Hieros Gamos but it was not unusual for the pairings to end in marriage. The couples who were matched together would be considered partners for the coming year, commencing in March, and would last until the next February celebration.

On February 15^th, the Ides of February, the Romans celebrated Luperaclia, honoring Lupercal, the wolf god. Additionally they honored Faunus, god of fertility as well as Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome who were as legend states, raised by a she-wolf. The Festival of Lupercalia involved priests and Vestal Virgins (don’t care much for the priests but vestal virgins are cool). The Luperci priests would go to a grotto dedicated to Lupercal, the wolf god, located at the foot of Palatine Hill.

The men would sacrifice a goat, don its skin, and run, walk and dance around the Palatine Hill to purify it while whipping young maidens with a goat skinned thong called a “februa” ~ an act which was supposed to ensure fertility. The act of such lashings or whippings was known as februatio…both this word and the word februa come from the Latin meaning “to purify.” The Romans believed that the middle or the ‘ides’ of the month was when that month’s life force was at its peak which gave them an excuse to party and perform the sacred rite of sexual union with the added effect of purifying the women from curses, bad luck and infertility by flagellating them with the februa. Hmmmmmmmm, interesting! It is all starting to make sense now.

Regardless of its origins, today Valentine’s Day is a highly over-commercialized western celebration. The Greeting Card Association estimates that some billion valentines are sent per year. If you are single on this day, remember it only lasts for 24-hours, and most of the people receiving Valentine’s tokens, gifts or flowers from their ‘loved ones’ are doing so out of obligation, threats, and the over-commercialization of a day that Hallmark rakes in the $$$- cha-ching!!! I am sure that by this time next year we will all be decorating our V-Day Trees ~ with hearts, flowers and cupids ~ while sitting on St. Valentine’s lap telling him what we want (or expect), fighting for the last box of chocolates or bunch of roses in the grocery store – knocking someone down in an effort to grab them out of their hands – all the while thinking LOVING thoughts.

There are always red flags that we “should have seen”, the problem is, we most often see them way too late. Many people have lost money, possessions, and their hearts to someone they should have seen as suspicious from day one. Of course there are the more obvious red flags which we will discuss first, and then move on to the more elaborate schemes.

1. Finances : Are they asking you too many questions about YOUR financial status?
Your finances on a “need to know basis” – they don’t need to know until you have met numerous times in person, and a solid relationship has evolved. If they brag to you about being wealthy, this is a huge red flag. Wealthy people are very very tight-lipped about their finances! If they are telling you a tale of how they “were on top of the world but then ____ ruined everything” (blaming someone else) this is another red flag to watch out for. Usually they will then talk about how they are on their way back up, and any minute, month or day now they will have it all back again – this is most likely a set-up. They will need YOUR help to get there. (financially of course) They will ask you to loan them money, go into business with them, or pick up the tab on some things til they get the money.

2. Save all emails or chat logs, and pay very close attention to DETAILS. Many times just by listening, you will pick up on discrepancies of things they have told you. Instant red flag! Listen to the way they answer your questions : are they evasive or give general answers with little or no detail? Do they try and change the subject?

3. If they say they love you or feel “connected to you” right away this is also a red flag. Love takes a long time to develop, and although our egos love hearing words like that, they are not true. Love takes time, and if their love is not taking time, you should wonder what the big rush is! Just as quickly as it starts, it will end abruptly.

4. If they want to engage in intimate sex talk right away, another red flag. If they are starting with sexual talk then that is the reason why they are contacting you to begin with, for cyber sex, not a relationship.

5. If they are taking too long to meet you in person, they are most often with someone else, or not interested in a real relationship off the computer or phone. Don’t let yourself get emotionally invested in letters, chats and phone calls. If within the first few times you are on the phone and they want to have phone sex, hang up on them immediately. Get to know the person, the whole person, because you will become infatuated with the crumbs you are getting, not the whole picture.

6. If they are not willing to trade photos, or only send one ask yourself why? Photos are not costly, you can get anyone to scan them for you if you don’t have a scanner, and there is no reason they cannot send you recent photos unless they look nothing like they have described or are using a phony photo.

7. If they want you to get a web cam, 99% of the time it is so they can see you without your clothes. This is not someone you should take seriously.

8. Phone numbers. If you only get a cell phone because they claim to have no home phone, this can also be a red flag. Even though many people have cell phones, very few do NOT have a home phone. If they only call you at certain times, on certain days, or disappear for days, they are most likely living with someone or married. If you try and call during times that you don’t normally speak and you only get their voice mail or are rushed off the phone, another red flag.

9. Do they claim to travel for work and use that excuse as to why you cannot be in contact very often? This is another red flag. they are not traveling for work, they are with someone else. Yes, I know people often travel for work, and a good way to verify they are is to ask them where they are staying, in what city, town, etc. Call the hotel and find out if they are registered. Ask them to pick you up a postcard from the place they are traveling to or ask them to take pictures to show you. If they do nothing of the sort over and over again, most likely they are not traveling, but with someone else

10. Anyone contacting you from overseas should be avoided. Please see our “Nigerian dating scams” page for more information.

Are you wondering about your internet date? Do things seem a little shakey? Are you wondering if they are dating others? Do you want to know if he or she is a player? Does it seem they are just stringing you along with emails and phone calls but not meeting in person? Are they married? How can you possibly know since you only have a voice on the phone or email address! Call one of the psychics at Circle of Goddesses today. Both Sophia and Lady Sarah are experts in relationships and internet dating and are able to bust through any internet dating scam that someone may be throwing at you. Internet dating can be a scary thing and it is better to be forewarned and KNOW what and who you are really dealing with!

Allow me to assist you in breaking through the barriers that hold you back from achieving your full potential in life, love, romance, career and business to put you on the right path to success and personal freedom.

I will guide you along your path and provide guidance to help you attain the desires of your heart in matters of love, life and career. I will assist you in finding balance in your spiritual, personal and professional life as well as attain peace of mind and the right path for your future.

A few women were recently discussing relationships and one was mentioning that her new, less than 6 months old, relationship had numerous issues and problems they couldn’t get past. One woman suggested couples counseling. I was stunned. Other women at the table agreed it might be a good idea. I was more stunned.

Once I picked my jaw off the floor I said “Why not end it?”. The women turned to me and they were stunned.

“Why end it?” one said.

I asked “Why continue when the signs are so obvious and numerous that is not the right relationship?” I went on to explain that dating is a process we are supposed to use to find the right one for us, and if he is not, let him go and keep looking.

Women now seem to find the wrong guy and then try and make him the right guy! This works less than 1% of the time, if that. They waste years and years crying, fighting, and for what?

Is this really less work and more fun than dumping the wrong guy and putting that same effort into finding the right one? Is it really easier to have the same jamoke do that same shit that pissed you off the last 100 times he did it than to try and find someone who won’t do that to you?

Is it more fun to be disappointed when the same promises are broken time and time again as opposed to trying to find someone whose promise is something more than lip service? Is it more entertaining to try and force, mold, and shape someone into what you want them to be (and they fight you every step of the way) than to find someone who is that guy already? Don’t tell me its hard to find the right guy when you aren’t even lookingand instead wasting time with the wrong one. Don’t complain that you don’t want to be alone when you are with someone who makes you feel alone even when they are there. Don’t tell me you can invest time, energy, effort, tears, etc on the wrong guy, but you can’ invest in yourself? Why don’t you stop trying to make dysfunctional, failing relationships work, and instead focus on you. It is better use of your time, resources and energy.

ARE YOU CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP? ARE YOU STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT IF IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON OR IF IT IS WORTH FIXING? SOPHIA AND LADY SARAH ARE ABLE TO SEE DEEP INTO THE HEART OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES TO SEE WHERE THEY ARE BROKEN. IF IT IS FIXABLE THEY WILL GIVE YOU THE TOOLS TO FIX IT. IF IT IS BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR THEY WILL HELP YOU MOVE ON. GIVE THEM A CALL TODAY AND STOP WASTING TIME IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS MAKING YOU UNHAPPY! THEY ARE HERE TO HELP!

Allow me to assist you in breaking through the barriers that hold you back from achieving your full potential in life, love, romance, career and business to put you on the right path to success and personal freedom.

I will guide you along your path and provide guidance to help you attain the desires of your heart in matters of love, life and career. I will assist you in finding balance in your spiritual, personal and professional life as well as attain peace of mind and the right path for your future.

Psychic Lady Sarah and psychic Sophia offer private psychic readings via click4advisor. Simply sign up with click4advisor and get your psychic reading today! All psychic readings are private and the psychic reader is never given your personal information. Our qualified professional psychic readers are available 24/7, ready to give you the best psychic reading possible. At this time are psychic readers are available only by phone. Our psychic readers are not offering email psychic readings at this time. Both of our psychic readers are gifted tarot readers and clairvoyant psychic readers. Our psychic readers are known relationship experts, and your psychic reading can help in all affairs of the heart. One phone call with our psychic readers can help you in areas of love, career, relationships, finance, etc. Soon our psychics will be giving free minutes after your first call, so check back with our psychics to find out when you can get some free minutes towards your next psychic reading. Give one of our professional accurate psychic readers a telephone call, you will be glad you did. If you prefer, you can arrange a call with our psychic readers to get your psychic reading or request an appointment with our psychic readers. Our psychic readers are here for you, and want to help. Pick up the phone and give them a call.

So many women say they want closure yet have a hard time finding it. They wonder why they can’t free themselves from thoughts and emotions regarding their exes. They say they don’t want to think about their ex-boyfriend or ex-husband but their minds always seem to drift in that direction. They can’t sleep at night because their exes are on their minds and when they wake up in the morning they remember the dream they had about him while they were sleeping.

Why is closure so elusive for so many women? Could women actually be sabotaging themselves from getting the closure they profess to want so desperately? Or maybe they don’t really want closure but use their need to have it as a way to keep them locked in their obsessive, unproductive thoughts of getting back together with their ex.

Here are some ways that women keep themselves in limbo rather than get closure:

Needing to know: What is he doing right now? Is he hurting? Does he miss me? Does he regret losing me? Does he plan on reuniting with me? Is he happy that it is over? Is he ready to date someone else? Is he ready to sleep with someone else? Has he slept or dated someone else? Does he care about her? Was the sex good? How can he act like nothing is wrong when I am devastated ? Will he ever find someone he loves more than me? Did he actually love me?

What difference does the answer to any of the questions make in your life? These questions are all about HIM, not YOU. No wonder you can’t move on and move forward!!! The answers will not give you closure, because you will only have MORE questions!

Women have wonderful imaginations and are curious by nature. So if we can’t talk to our ex or find out what is going on, we can simply fantasize about it! You can imagine telling him all the horrible things he has done and why he doesn’t deserve to be back with you, you can imagine tears running down his face when he says how sorry he is, you can go over conversations over and over and over again so you know just what to say should you ever see/talk to him. You can picture him miserable, broken down and suffering. The problem is you are living in your imagination too much rather than accepting your reality and dealing with it.

Taking walks down memory lane: While men try to avoid anything that could remind them of their ex, women tend to do the opposite. Women will re-read emails and letters to the point that they have them memorized. That takes them on a literary journey through the relationship they just got out of and re-opens the wounds so they cannot heal. In most cases at times of breakups, women tend to focus on the “shiny happy times” before your ex showed his true colors. We think of all the things we will miss, how the relationship could have worked “If only he ____”, and the pure shame of it all. What women DON’T tend to focus on is the bad side of their ex and all the reasons why it didn’t work out. What they need to realize though is that the signs were probably there from the beginning. Instead of thinking of all the wonderfulness of your ex, think about how much he made you cry, how often you were disappointed, dissatisfied, insecure, angry, hurt, etc.

But don’t dwell on that either because you still won’t get closure. Give yourself ample time to grieve the death of the relationship and then switch your gears to enjoying your LIFE again. You did before he showed up and you can do it now that he is gone.

For more articles on CLOSURE and how to get it in relationships, visit www.iwantclosure.com