The COG Blog

Let’s say you are a religious person. You and your family go to church every Sunday together and are active participants in the church. Unfortunately, the man in your life does not. He won’t go with you to church and tries to get you to skip it and spend time with him. So, you begin to take some Sundays off from church and justify the reason however you see fit. It could be because “This is the only day he has to see me”, or because “I never miss church so this isn’t really a big deal”.

What if you have always stood behind your decision to get involved with anyone who isn’t single? Along comes a guy you really like and instead of waiting for him to be single, you allow things to start up before he is free. Now you have to keep secrets, and you always considered yourself someone who doesn’t keep secrets from your friends and family. But you can’t tell them you are involved with a married man right?

What if you have always had enough self respect and dignity to not allow a man to stand you up but the guy you are with now always blows you off? Is your self respect and dignity slipping away?

What if your friends and family always meant the world to you but the man in your life has “issues” with them that force you to pull away from them?

What if you refused to sleep with someone unless you are in a committed relationship but the guy you are having sex with will not commit or consider a monogamous relationship with you? Then you decide to become intimate with him hoping he will eventually step up to the plate or because you fear you might lose him. You crossed your line and changed your rules for him in the hope of keeping him.

You used to be so sure of yourself and now this relationship has made you insecure. You used to feel you deserved x,y, and z but now you are not getting what you feel you deserve and doing nothing about it.

Is this person right for you? You changed for them to keep the relationship going, but do you like the person you changed into? Look at who you used to be versus who you are now. Which woman was happier? Which one did you like better?

If a person is right for you they won’t change you into the wrong woman for yourself. They were attracted to who you used to be, but you became someone else, so are they less attracted to you now? When we change who we are for the worse, or lower our standards does that indicate that the one we are changing for is not right for us? Is the relationship you are in doomed to fail and when it is over you won’t even recognize yourself anymore?

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